i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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