mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
