I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk is a universal language darling
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