Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
