Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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