May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dear god my vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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