I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
