I think my fart just growled at me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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