yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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