I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
