you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
