Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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