too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I see more hoeing in ur future
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
