Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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