THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
smell my finger.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
