I think my vagina is haunted
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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