I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
