I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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