I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
