She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
