Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
