while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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