Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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