Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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