So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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