well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
