Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
