so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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