Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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