standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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