Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
