Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
