Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
