Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
