there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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