It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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