Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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