How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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