Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

Fav 29 17913 1675
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(248): View more from Michigan

Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?

Fav 4 1935 1110
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick

Fav 9 2128 778
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(984): View more from North Carolina

i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

Fav 22 4676 1384
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(913): View more from Kansas

Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet

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(719): View more from Colorado

the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.

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