her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
