Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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