PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hippo gnu deer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
