just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
