Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
