you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
