I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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