Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
pray to the hookup gods
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You are a genius and a whore.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
