is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
