i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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