While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
