No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
