all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
