Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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