Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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