When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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