I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
