Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
