I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
